guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
