you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
