it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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