I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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