Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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