I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
