I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
