These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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