He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just pee around me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
