I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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