i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
