I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need to calm my uterus...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
