I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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