capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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