Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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