Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
