Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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