I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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