oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
