It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
