There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
