i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
