Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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