there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
