even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
