Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
