ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize