I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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