he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
