and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she pinky promised me she was 18
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
