he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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