Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Enjoy the penises
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
