This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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