i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
