How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
