He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
