well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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