forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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