You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
