Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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