WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I forget how to act sober
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
