Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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