Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
