fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
