when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
