I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
