i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
