the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
