The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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