Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So vagazzling was a success
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
