she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
