life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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