so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
