Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
