Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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