What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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