I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
