they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
