theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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