shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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