can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
