Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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