I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just tell him i said nine months
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
