now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Drake has all the answers
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
