Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
