she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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