I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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