I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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