There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
