Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
