Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
